Book Twelve

Time, Gentlemen

2031 to 2032

A photograph of two young men laughing behind the wooden bar of an old dive at night, one fair-haired in white tie, a crimson sash and a beer-soaked apron with his hand on the cord of a brass bell, the other in shirtsleeves and an apron with a cloth on his shoulder, a brass trombone on hooks and a row of framed photographs on the red brick wall behind them, two glasses of whisky and a water jug on the bar, and through the open door a blue night street of empty tables under strings of lights, leading to a church. Crown on the Potomac Time, Gentlemen Book Twelve 2031 to 2032

September 2031. The King has not decided what comes next, so he takes a job behind the bar of Eight Bars, a dive near his old school, and moves into the flat upstairs with Theo Hartigan, who is exactly as bad at it as he is. Everybody knows who he is. Nobody is fooled. Everybody pretends, badly. Every bar asks him for ID, and he has none.

Time, Gentlemen follows a year of pints pulled wrong in fourteen countries: a committee of the Household that writes a manual one disaster at a time, a protection officer at the end of the bar drinking his mistakes, a retired chemistry teacher marking his pints in red pen, a Duke who is lethal at darts, a boy from Gloucestershire judging every pour by video, and a state banquet, at the Emperor's request, in a dive.

Each chapter opens with a short extract from the Universal Register, the encyclopedia of the world the book is set in. The extracts are quoted from the Register as it stands; the chapters show what happened in the rooms it was not in.

Begin reading: Chapter One, Flash → Characters

Part One: The Realm (August and September 2031)

  1. 1 Flash Frederick. 16 min.
  2. 2 The New Inn Frederick. 13 min.
  3. 3 Rule One Frederick. 14 min.

Part Two: New Albion (September 2031)

  1. 4 Two Languages Frederick. 13 min.

Part Three: Brunswick and Hanover (October 2031)

  1. 5 Older Beer Frederick. 13 min.
  2. 6 Theodor Frederick. 11 min.

Part Four: Normandy (October 2031)

  1. 7 The Tide Frederick. 11 min.

Part Five: Great Britain (November 2031)

  1. 8 Wait. Frederick. 12 min.
  2. 9 Rival Frederick. 13 min.
  3. 10 Fife Frederick. 10 min.

Part Six: Ireland (November and December 2031)

  1. 11 The Cat Frederick. 12 min.
  2. 12 Lucia Frederick. 14 min.
  3. 13 Two Parts Frederick. 12 min.
  4. 14 The Session Frederick. 12 min.

Part Seven: New Wessex (January 2032)

  1. 15 Both Halves Frederick. 10 min.
  2. 16 The Letter Frederick. 11 min.

Part Eight: The River Plate (February 2032)

  1. 17 Bitter Frederick. 12 min.

Part Nine: South Africa (February 2032)

  1. 18 Three Capitals Frederick. 12 min.

Part Ten: The Raj (March 2032)

  1. 19 Six Frederick. 12 min.

Part Eleven: Ireland, Again (March 2032)

  1. 20 Paddy's Day Frederick. 11 min.

Part Twelve: The West Indies (April 2032)

  1. 21 Red Pen Frederick. 12 min.
  2. 22 Road March Frederick. 11 min.

Part Thirteen: The Philippines (May 2032)

  1. 23 Nineteen Frederick. 12 min.
  2. 24 Fiesta Frederick. 12 min.

Part Fourteen: Malaya (May and June 2032)

  1. 25 Two Kings Frederick. 12 min.
  2. 26 Interview Frederick. 14 min.

Part Fifteen: Sweden (June 2032)

  1. 27 Outranked Frederick. 13 min.

Part Sixteen: The Realm (June and July 2032)

  1. 28 Leaving Frederick. 11 min.
  2. 29 The Final Frederick. 14 min.
  3. 30 The Draft Frederick. 10 min.

Part Seventeen: The State Visit (August 2032)

  1. 31 Notice Frederick. 12 min.
  2. 32 The Emperor's Shift Frederick. 12 min.
  3. 33 Exactness Frederick. 12 min.
  4. 34 Every Landlord Frederick. 15 min.
  5. 35 The Toast Frederick. 13 min.
  6. 36 Time, Gentlemen Frederick. 14 min.